If you have come across this blog, you may be looking for some answers to ongoing sexual challenges or unmet sexual needs. Or you may be curious about what sex coaching actually is. If so, read on, because we are going to dive into what exactly sex coaching is and how it could support you in your journey to sexual satisfaction.
As a sex coach, I see clients who are at different stages in life, from people who have been married for 20 years to single people wanting a partnership to those dating and wanting to improve their sexual performance. For some, they may not have had any therapy before and are wanting to start with a practical approach from the onset. For others, they may have already had talk therapy, and although they have come to a place of deep understanding of their challenges and wounds around sex, they have yet to make some vital positive changes in their sex life.
This is where working with a sex coach can help.
I want to give you an idea of the types of people and situations that lead people to seek out sex coaching. The stories below are based on fictitious people to maintain client confidentiality.
Take Edward, for example, a 45-year-old entrepreneur. His business was thriving, but his dating life was not going well. He had lost his sex drive (for several reasons, including work stress) and was no longer enjoying sex as much as he used to. He rarely felt the desire to want to have sex like he used to, and he had stopped dating because of this. The thought of meeting a woman and moving into sexual intimacy was causing him anxiety, so it was easier right now to just avoid dating altogether. He felt he might not be able to perform, wouldn’t feel any sexual desire, and ultimately would disappoint the woman.
Edward came to me wanting to finally sort this issue out, after three years of not really actively pursuing relationships with women and focusing solely on his business. He remembered what it felt like to feel that sexual desire back in his 20s and 30s, to feel excited to be with a woman and to enjoy having sex.
Edward had already had six months of talk therapy, which he had found helpful. However, this hadn’t led to him re-experiencing the sex drive he had lost, so he was looking for more practical ways to make a change.
Edward worked together with me for four months, and through the coaching, he was able to learn how to manage his stress levels, regain his libido, and start dating women, feeling confident that he would be able to have great sex
Or take Lucy, who had never talked with anyone before about how she too had lost all desire for sex, and wasn’t enjoying sex with her husband of ten years as much as she wanted to. Lucy, 32, worked long hours as a doctor – she was deeply committed to her work. Her husband also worked really long hours running his own restaurant business. They had both tried to spice things up in the bedroom and had tried the approach of going out on date nights to bring desire back into their long-term marriage, without success. Lucy wanted to go deeper into what was going on for her. She saw that their intimate life was an important part of their relationship and wanted to have a family at some point in the next five years. She chose to work with a sex coach because she wanted to try something more practical and time-focused, especially because she worked long hours.
Through the coaching, Lucy and her husband re-discovered a deeply fulfilling sex life. Lucy learned what it is she enjoys in sex, and, most importantly, was able to let her husband know. He was thrilled that Lucy was expressing her desires, and this also supported him in opening up more about his own desires and fantasies around sex. The more Lucy and her husband enjoyed sex, the more they made time for it. Bringing back sex into their relationship helped them to feel a lot closer and more positive about their future, as well as the possibility of having a family together.
SO WHY WOULD SOMEONE NEED A SEX COACH?
There are a variety of reasons why people might want the assistance of a sex coach, but here are some common ways a sex coach can help you:
Expanding knowledge and skills: A sex coach can provide education and guidance on sexual techniques, anatomy, and various aspects of intimacy. They can help individuals and couples enhance their knowledge and acquire new skills to improve their sexual experiences.
Communication and relationship issues: Sex coaches can assist individuals and couples in developing effective communication skills and resolving conflicts related to intimacy and dating. They provide a safe and supportive environment to discuss desires, boundaries, and concerns, fostering healthy relationships.
Overcoming challenges and concerns: A sex coach can help to address specific concerns, such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, orgasm difficulties, low libido, or sexual trauma. Coaches can offer guidance, tools, and exercises to overcome these challenges.
Exploring sexual desires and fantasies: Some individuals want to explore their sexual desires, fantasies, or fetishes in a safe and consensual manner. A sex coach can provide guidance on how to navigate these aspects of sexuality while prioritising consent, communication, and emotional well-being.
Enhancing pleasure and intimacy: Sex coaches can assist individuals and couples in deepening their emotional connection and intimacy. They may offer guidance on sensual touch, erotic massage, mindfulness practises, or exploring new sexual experiences that promote pleasure and connection.
Sexual confidence and self-esteem: Many people struggle with body image issues, performance anxiety, or self-confidence related to sexuality. A sex coach can help individuals build sexual confidence, overcome insecurities, and develop a positive self-image
If you are considering getting support for your sex life, it’s important to distinguish between a sex therapist and a sex coach. Sex coaches generally focus on the present and future, emphasising personal growth, self-discovery, and skill-building. They may provide homework assignments, suggest exercises, offer guided audios to practice at home, or offer practical tools to help clients improve their sex lives. They often work in a more informal setting, with contact in-between sessions, and may not delve deeply into past traumas or psychological issues. Sex coaching is quicker and can be more body-based, so it tends to yield more potent results.
Sex therapists, meanwhile, are trained to assess and treat various sexual dysfunctions, relationship challenges, and underlying psychological factors that may impact sexual well-being. Like other kinds of mental health therapists, they use evidence-based therapeutic techniques to address deep-rooted issues and work towards healing and resolution.
It’s important to note that sex coaches work within ethical and professional boundaries, respecting the individual’s or couple’s goals, values, and consent. They are not therapists or medical professionals, but they can complement other forms of therapy or medical care.
If you are seeking sex coaching I’d be delighted to hear from you.
About Emma:
Her work is necessarily ground-breaking and immersive. She works from a trauma-aware perspective that includes the science of the nervous system and addresses deep-rooted and outdated core beliefs and survival strategies we take on as children or at certain points in adulthood.
These are the beliefs that affect the way we love or don’t love ourselves, the types of dynamics we create or re-create in relationships and how we experience our sexuality and pleasure (or lack of pleasure) in life.
She began her own journey in the field of sexuality and relationships over a decade ago after many years working in the mental health and addiction sectors and her training has led her to study with inspiring and respected teachers in the areas of love, sex and relationships.
Prior to becoming a coach, she was the Founding CEO of an award-winning charity for 10 years that supported people impacted by a loved one’s substance misuse to drugs and alcohol.
She offers intensive coaching programmes that are 2-6 months. The coaching programmes she offers are very different to therapy. Her results-focused coaching programmes are exclusively tailored to clients and their desires and goals around relationships and sex. The programmes include powerful tailored audio practices to listen to in between sessions that help clients to uncover the core blocks preventing them from addressing their issues from a different perspective.
Emma’s coaching sessions are holistic, integrative and sex-positive, viewing clients as a whole person and they aim to support clients to remember and rediscover their authentic sexuality and natural expression of self-love that predates all the cultural, peer, family and relational conditioning that has happened since.
