“It’s alright for them”.

How many times have you thought that? Whilst resentfully side-eying someone’s career / body / relationship / financial situation / life?

More importantly how’s that working out for you?

The truth is whenever you compare yourself to anyone you are doing yourself a massive disservice as well as making an enormous assumption on his or her behalf.

The truth is, unless we know them intimately, we just don’t know what battles other people are fighting, no matter how glorious and glossy their lives appear from the outside.

I’m not saying, however, that envy is devoid of any usefulness, in fact envy can be an excellent window into desire and an opportunity to think ‘that’s inspiring, how could I inject more of that freedom / success / joy / love into my world?’ What I do hold contention with, however, is when envy is regularly presented as internal evidence that because they have what you want, you can’t have it too.

This is a false belief in lack, that somehow there is a finite amount of success, joy, and love available to go round.

It’s not about wanting someone else’s relationship it’s about getting yourself into the right place to attract your own incredible partnering.

It’s not about resenting someone else’s success it’s about going within and asking how could I earn money doing what I really love?

The subconscious mind is an interesting thing; ask it a negative question and it will give you a negative answer, ask it a positive open-ended question and it will begin to present you with highly creative solutions to move you forward in ways you had not yet imagined possible. Perhaps not always immediately but if you practice doing this you’ll notice ideas coming forward when you least expect it.

Comparison shopping, as I call it, is the fastest route to hell, and it is of course enormously on the increase due to social media – it’s worth remembering that nearly everyone using social media – especially if they are in the public eye – will be regularly presenting the most glamorous aspects of their lives on a glossy platter and sweeping the rest under the shag-pile, it’s less fly-on-the-wall and more endlessly-looping-advert.

Another important thing to remember is this: even if it is ‘alright for them’, even if they are wildly and ecstatically living their incandescent fairy-tale life-style every minute-of-every-hour-of-every-goddamn-day, so what?! Good on them for smashing those limits. It being ‘alright for them’ does not mean it can’t be ‘alright for you too’. There’s room for you as well. Since when did snuffing out someone else’s candle ever make yours shine any brighter anyway?

So what’s the answer? Well always to take the attention back to you. What can I do to move myself forward? What blocks, limiting beliefs and negative mindsets do I need to lose in order to blaze a trail to my own personally brilliant future?

‘I will not Reason and Compare’ said William Blake ‘my Business is to Create’

What do you want to create? .

avatar for Zoë Clews

About Zoë Clews

Zoë Clews is the founder of Zoë Clews & Associates and is one of the most successful and sought-after hypnotherapists working in the UK today. She has spent the last 17 years providing exclusive, highly-effective hypnotherapy treatment to a clientele that includes figures in the public eye, high net worth individuals and professionals at the top of their careers. An expert in all forms of hypnotherapy treatment, Zoë is a specialist in issues relating to anxiety, trauma, self-esteem and confidence. She works with nine Associates who are experts in their own fields and handpicked for their experience and track records of success, providing treatment for an extensive range of conditions that include addiction, weight loss, eating disorders, relationships, love and sex, children’s issues, fertility problems, phobias, Obsessive Compulsive Disorders and sleep issues.  She takes inspiration from her own emotional journey and works with both individuals and blue-chip corporates who want to provide mindfulness support for their people either on a regular or occasional basis, or as part of an employee benefit scheme.