At times we look at other couples and wish that we had the relationship that they have. We see two people in a stable steady partnership where they support one another, laugh together in ways that we envy, parent perfectly, and are deeply in love despite being together over many years.
We expect their sex life to reflect this beautiful balance with matching libidos and a healthy, regular amount of fiery, sparkly coming together and a quality of intimacy that confirms the deep connection the two people exhibit.
Reality often speaks differently. A peek behind closed doors or under covers reveals what remains unspoken. Boredom, complacency and ennui, or conflict, mistrust and jealousy plague many relationships with neither partner knowing how to find themselves again or break the negative patterning that has taken hold.
The truth is, most of us have never known a healthy way of relating – of clear communication, emotional maturity, deep self-knowing and an integrated, whole sexuality – modelled to us by our parents. And so we struggle to create something different than what we experienced as children.
Society and culture do not help bridge the gap when it comes to understanding what it takes to make a relationship work. We lack the skills of open, honest communication, the emotional resilience asked for to be able to hold another (and often ourselves) when we are challenged, the ability to be vulnerable and share our deepest feelings with the person that we love most in the world, the courage to share our fantasies (even if not acted upon) and true sexuality so that all of us can feel expressed, witnessed and accepted for exactly who we are.
Most couples struggle with the paradox that all humans face – the desire for safety, security, protection and support – the known, a sense of ‘home’. And an opposing desire for mystery, adventure, risk, exploration and excitement – the unknown, fuel for erotic desire. Unlikely bedfellows, we expect both of these need to be fulfilled in our intimate relationships. And yet most of us are unaware that they are two opposing needs.
Once we understand this, we can then begin to move forward to foster both safety and security as well as sparkling desire in our intimate relationship.
Couples therapy at Zoe Clews & Associates encompasses how you relate with each other as a couple and how this is expressed in your sex life. It addresses :
- Re-building trust
- Conflict resolution
- Infidelity and affairs
- Emotional maturity
- Feeling and expressing emotions
- Deepening connection
- Sexless marriage / partnership
- Sexual self-confidence
- Rekindling intimacy
- Mismatched libidos
- Exploring pleasure potential
If you think you would benefit from couples therapy or relationship counselling, why not get in touch and find out how we can help you? Please get in touch with Zoe Clews & Associates for more information. Our clinic is based in Harley Street London.