If you haven’t been in a relationship for a long time despite a deep desire to be, it could be down to one of the following;
1. Your (subconscious) fear of getting hurt is stronger than your (conscious) desire to be in a relationship – this could be due to being disappointed or betrayed in a previous relationship or relationships, but if often goes back to childhood fears about love and being loved, based on your relationship with your family or your parents relationships with each other.
2. It’s a self-esteem or confidence issue – perhaps deep down you feel you don’t deserve to be in a happy relationship, don’t feel ‘good enough’ or simply don’t believe you are attractive enough. It’s no secret that a good relationship with yourself is the key to a good relationship with others, and this is especially true of romantic partnerships.
3. There are unresolved issues with your ex – if a relationship ended abruptly, and you experienced real heartbreak then a part of you can be holding onto that relationship or it may be that you came to the unconscious decision ‘I will never let that happen to me again’, both of which block the flow to someone new entering your life.
4. Your ‘type’ isn’t really your type – you can unconsciously choose people that aren’t really ‘available’ as it’s a safe option (see point 1). If a certain type isn’t working out for you it may be worth looking at your motivation for your choice and ‘updating your script’ to attract someone more suitable for a successful relationship.
The good news is that all of these things can be resolved with the right work. In my practice, when working with clients that are single and looking for love, I often hear things like ‘I just can’t meet anyone in London’ or ‘I don’t go to the right places’, I believe it’s much less about being in the right place physically and much more about being in the right place emotionally. Getting yourself in good emotional shape means you are much more likely to be open to the opportunity of meeting someone and it’s also more likely that you’ll make a healthy choice too.