Relationships, Boundaries & The Power Of ‘No’

Relationships, Boundaries & The Power Of 'No'

The greatest way to nourish your heart is to discover the power and beauty of honouring your own boundaries. To do this well, you have to be clear enough in your own awareness to know who you really are and what you truly want. Have you ever said yes to someone when it was really a no? It doesn’t feel good. When we abandon ourselves like that we tend to retract a little from the world. Our spirit pulls back, we are likely to resent the person that has asked us and we lose faith in ourselves a little bit. In some small we have betrayed ourselves and the knock on affect overtime means we are not fully safe or self-expressed.

That is why there is great beauty to be found in deepening your capacity to lovingly say “no”.  By being clear about what feels good and right for you in the moment is a fundamental part of loving yourself and living a life that feels good. This means it is likely you will be able to trust yourself more and it also means that other people will feel a greater depth of confidence from you. Continue reading…


Why Meeting Yourself With Love Is So Important

Why Meeting Yourself With Love Is So Important

Nourishing your heart involves making a practice of loving every aspect of yourself. This is about embracing all of your inner world too. This includes those parts of you that are responsible for some of your greatest challenges. Many people have parts of themselves that are closed down to love, push away opportunity and sabotage their best attempts to make positive changes in their lives. It can be tempting to attack these parts of your mind, making them wrong and blaming them for everything that is difficult in your life.  Unfortunately that only makes matters worse. If you do have parts of yourself that seem set against you, they are working on some level to serve you. They always are. Yes, those parts may be serving you in wholly destructive ways, underpinning any number of terribly limiting behaviours and beliefs but those parts will be doing that with your best interests at heart. Somewhere in the middle of their motivation is a desire to keep you safe.

Changing behaviour only works in a real and lasting way if we can get every aspect of ourselves into alignment. It is about negotiating with yourself so that every part of you comes into agreement. Then it no longer involves any will power. Will power is when one part of you wants one thing and another wants something else and you go to war against an aspect of yourself.  True transformation comes from realising on a deep level what truly serves you. This is not a chore, a duty or a loss. It is a gift of love. From there, there is no more struggle or effort required. So, how do you bring those parts of you into agreement? Continue reading…


Why Does Self Acceptance Get Such A Bad Rap?

Why Does Self Acceptance Get Such A Bad Rap?

During my decade as a Hypnotist I have worked with thousands of clients who come in looking to build their self-belief or self-confidence, lose weight, overcome a phobia, lose unwanted habits, become more successful or effective in certain areas of their lives, but it’s extremely rare that someone walks into my office and says “I’d really like you to help me accept myself”. When I suggest that self-acceptance would be helpful as part of their process of change it’s often met with real resistance.>

However when we accept ourselves, it feels really good, it’s like we’ve called a truce with ourselves.

So if acceptance feels so good for us then why the resistance? I believe the answer is motivation. We use our lack of acceptance (feels like self-punishment) as motivation to get us to do, not do, be, and not be what we think we should. Many people believe that if they accepted themselves as they are, they wouldn’t change or that they wouldn’t work on becoming more of who they want to be. Let’s use the example of losing weight, if I suggest working on self-acceptance as a useful part of the process for a client wanting to lose weight they will often initially rile against it – thinking that I mean they just accept their weight and live with it, however the opposite is true, if we relentlessly hate our weight and bodies during the process of attempting to lose weight it makes it much more difficult to do so – what we resist persists!

Typically we judge ourselves unfavourably with the hope it will motivate us to change, does this work? Sometimes, but only short term, most of the time it causes us to feel bad and the energy we use in punishing ourselves saps the energy we need to make the desired changes, and it can become not only counter-productive but a vicious cycle of self-punishment and guilt. However if we can be kind to ourselves during the process and accept ‘this is where I am now but I would like to feel healthier, fitter and slimmer’ (using the example of weight loss again) it provides a way forward that not only works better but feels a hell of a lot better too! Continue reading…


Additional Credits

Video by Weeks360.

Photography by Liz Bishop Photography.

Production by Mark Norman at Little Joe Media and Joanne Brooks.

Hair by Jonny Albutt.

Make up by Olly Fisk and Nabeel Hussain.