Are You Wasting Your Life Living Other People’s Programs?

Are You Wasting Your Life Living Other People's Programs?

Did you know that we live 95% of our lives led by the beliefs of the subconscious mind, and that 70% of those beliefs are negative? By the time we reach the age of 7, we have downloaded and installed a set of programs and beliefs from our parents that become our software for the entirety of our lives, unless we change them. Our subconscious is the part of our mind that stores our emotions, memories, skills, instincts and behaviours, as well as running biological functions.  If we are trying to change anything in our lives with the conscious mind, and it goes against our previous unconscious conditioning, then we might as well conserve our energy. Basically, to be blunt, those early programs will direct the course of your life, whether you like it or not. The Matrix movie was totally on the game, either we follow the program that has been previously ordained, or we opt out and become a self aware and conscious participant in our destiny. Unless we do, we exist within the matrix of other peoples programs, if they’re not working for in our favour, it is time for some new, and life enhancing downloads.  With the conscious mind we can only hope to achieve limited change, as we rely on willpower, reason, positive thinking and motivation. It is a bit like making those New Year’s resolutions; the determination factor has a short shelf life unless it is aligned with the embedded beliefs held within our subconscious. They affect every area of our life, health, self esteem, relationships, prosperity and deepest spiritual understandings. If those beliefs are self defeating, de-valuing, fearful and create stress, then we are running a negative program that will reflect in our lives, it has to, because anything that is not an accurate reflection of our internal reality will cause our subconscious to disregard it and we will be cut off at the knees, it is devoid of compassion or humour, just like a computer. It will just do what it is programmed to do. It see’s the world literally, through our 5 senses, and houses all our memories, every single experience has been filed away in the archives, even the basic ones, like how to walk! The subconscious thinks in the present moment, so the most effective way to communicate with it, is to make a present tense statement that a 7 year old can understand. Re-write the software of your mind and you change the printout of your experience.

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Anxiety & Fear – What Is The Truth?

Anxiety & Fear - What Is The Truth?

As people it is quite easy for us to create a whole convincing reality in our heads. How do we know the difference between the actual truth and ‘a truth?’ When we experience anxiety, it is relatively simple to respond to that uncomfortable feeling from a negative perspective. By default we automatically go into fear, we convince ourselves that something awful is going to happen, since anxiety was a response to and created from unpleasant past experiences. We will naturally gravitate to our default setting, a defense mechanism that was put in place by our subconscious as a way to keep us safe, that is its job and it will carry out the task at hand regardless.

The subconscious knows nothing about linear time and is still responding to an old ‘threat’ with the same hyper alert response that it used many years ago. That old programme is running in the background, and is creating a reality from ‘a truth’ of how it used to be, as opposed to how we are living now, older and wiser, and hopefully no longer under threat, or in imminent danger. The subconscious is not at all concerned about how safe we are now, all it cares about is the truth and nothing but the truth, so help you! Anxiety can be very unpleasant and challenging, leading to a host of difficult symptoms, like OCD, drug and alcohol addiction. Hypnotherapy for Anxiety can help relieve these symptoms by negotiating with our subconscious Inner Protector that the external threat no longer exists, and thereby convincing it that we are now safe, not only that, but we are no longer in flight or fright response. It can let go and update that anxious reaction to life and its challenges, to more comfortable and harmonious responses that are relative to our present reality, enabling us to live by a new ‘truth’ that fills us with ease and well-being.

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Are you your own personal bully?

Are you your own personal bully?

I imagine most people would agree that bullies are a nuisance, and that’s putting it mildly. I’m sure at some point in our lives, we have all experienced being bullied, intimidated, coerced and victimized, and I think we would also agree that it doesn’t feel good. In fact, it can stir up some very uncomfortable feelings, ranging from indignation, fear, sadness and hurt. Some of us will come out fighting, and other’s may retreat and just hope that the person responsible will eventually leave us alone. As a way of coping with the stress posed by this external threat, albeit an individual or group, we may try to be overly nice to compensate, or seek ways of remaining safe, by being hyper alert and trying to anticipate their behaviour. In doing so, we end up compromising ourselves, creating incredible stress and living in a state of anxiety. If our exposure to this level of anxiety continues, and panic ensues, then our self esteem is compromised and damaged. Once our self esteem starts plummeting, then most areas of our lives are negatively influenced. Over an extended period of time, we become a shadow of our former selves, unless we find a way to cope by seeking support, help and advice.

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Are You A Validation Addict?

Are You A Validation Addict?

When we feel the need for constant external validation, maybe it is time to start asking ourselves why that is. This applies specifically to women, who may regularly elicit attention from men to feel special, worthy and attractive. In fact, some of us can take this to an extreme, where we seek validation, using our feminine charms and sexuality to be ‘seen,’ noticed and approved of. This feeling of power gives us an instant feel good ‘hit,’ which never lasts, because ultimately it doesn’t reach in and validate who we are as people. So, we are off on our search again, longing and yearning for that magical person to give us something that for some reason, we are unable to give ourselves. That search will eventually lead us back to ourselves, because it is a dead end on a road going nowhere. We are solely responsible for determining, deciding and creating our level of self esteem that doesn’t require anyone’s stamp of approval.

Being centred and grounded in our authentic selves is not easy if we have low self esteem, we need propping up, we need to be noticed, and this need originates from a core wound that no amount of validation can heal. However, that doesn’t stop us jumping from one relationship and sexual encounter to the next, in the hope that this person and ensuing distraction will take our pain away. We are living on the periphery of our lives, orbiting our core wounding with an astute cleverness that has become our default defence mechanism. Unfortunately there is not a man walking on the earth who has the power to reach in and love all the hurt away, that belief belongs in the fairy tales with the likes of Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. In real life, Sleeping Beauty would wake up out of her 100 year stupor, dust herself off and tell Prince charming to take a hike, while she gets on with the business of discovering the Queen that she is, and not the ‘princess’ that she’s been conditioned to be. True, authentic transformation evolves out of the pursuit of self discovery, an innate potential that resides in us all. Low self esteem, with all its highs and lows, does not feel good. This offers a momentary reprieve, but it will never offer the one thing that we truly need, and that is healing. We can become so immersed in our story that it is hard to imagine that life could take on new meaning, that we could create a reality that would be deeply satisfying, in a way that drama, addiction and another pair of shoes, could never match and never equal.

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The Law Of Attraction & Hypnotherapy

The Law Of Attraction & Hypnotherapy

Ever wondered why the Law of Attraction is not working for you in your life? No matter how many times you ‘think’ about your ideal life, somehow nothing changes. Do you believe that magic seems to happen for other people and not you? If only it was as simple as they all make out, all you have to do is think, daydream, be and act happy and your life will change! So after consistently trying over a period of time, you may still find yourself at the starting post, with nothing but a new pair of shoes to show for your deliberate effort. Eventually you may lose hope and decide that all this positive thinking doesn’t work for you. However, there is a reasonable and logical explanation. When it comes to creating significant change in our lives, it is essential that we have our subconscious minds on our side. Wanting with our conscious mind is one thing, but our subconscious may have a totally different agenda, holding at bay, everything you desire.

We come to understand that the most important part of creating our reality is being in the right place emotionally to let whatever it is we want, IN. We can spend our lives deciding and defining what we want. But if we are still caught up in the past by holding onto those negative feelings and beliefs, our lives will remain the same. Our energy is somehow stuck, swallowed up by something that no longer exists. The past is therefore creating our reality. All those positive, well meaning, thoughts cannot override that. Your subconscious and the beliefs you are holding within your being are defining your life as it is right now, in this moment. This is a state of being that shines the spotlight on the fact that there is no space for old beliefs, bitterness and resentment, if feeling good is our ultimate goal. Hypnotherapy changes old beliefs and clears out obsolete, negative programmes that no longer serve us in the present moment. The Universe reveals the truth to us, in a way that we can finally get real, and stop trying to force life to work for us from a past paradigm.

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Whatever The Mind Can Conceive, The Mind Can Achieve

Whatever The Mind Can Conceive, The Mind Can Achieve

“Whatever the Mind Can Conceive, it Can Achieve.” Napoleon Hill

This is a wonderful quote, and one that might ring true for some and not others. Many of us may want to believe that we can achieve our dreams, but after years of concerted effort could well be airing on the side of despondency, frustration and disappointment. We all have dreams, often big dreams, but may feel deep inside that we don’t have what it takes to reach them, that we lack that magic ingredient that successful people have naturally cultivated.

How many of us have been taught in our younger years to dream big, to go for what we want, to fulfill our deepest desires? Not many. Some of us may have been fortunate enough to have very positive parents, but sadly most of us didn’t, for some this has created more of a legacy, than a life. This is not to caste blame, merely to recognize that our parents were doing the best they could, with what they had been taught. How could it be otherwise? However, that awareness didn’t stop us internalizing everything we experienced at a subconscious level, every word, abusive action, and put down. But the most devastating outcome was that as our mind soaked up all the negativity, this is what ultimately determined our level of self esteem, self worth and self belief. We became a product of our past, now merely existing in this present moment rather than living to the fullness of our true potential. From this place of existing, trying to create a happier and more abundant future will prove very challenging, if not impossible. As Einstein said “The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result.” Using our conscious mind to move forward in life, as we hold deep seated negative self beliefs, is like having your foot pressed firmly on the accelerator of a fast car and the other one on the brake at the same time. Yes, we may have big dreams, but our past experiences will directly determine if we believe in ourselves enough to actually achieve them. In reality, all that really stands between us and our dreams, is us. It has nothing to do with intelligence, education or talent. There are hundreds of inspiring stories of people achieving incredible success in spite of immense odds, simply because they believed they could do it, they were determined and steadfast and refused to let anyone ‘steal their dream.’ They utilised the power of their minds, rather than let their mind and beliefs run their lives by default.

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Those New Year’s ‘Saboteurs’

Those New Year's 'Saboteurs'

Many of you will have made New Year’s Resolutions, and I’m sure you were determined and steadfast in your absolute conviction that you would carry them through. But as the weeks pass, you can feel yourself waning with a never ending stream of justification as to why you are unable to keep on track, with exercise, healthy eating, reducing alcohol intake or all three.

You may well feel that sense of despair, disappointment and frustration, because there is a part of you that was absolutely convinced that you meant business this time. You declared it to all those around you, because you felt in that moment that you could trust yourself that nothing would get in your way. But it has, and you may well be wondering what went wrong. Well, let me explain about your ‘saboteur’.  There are different parts of you: there is your conscious mind, the part of you that makes the decisions and uses willpower and intent to carry them through to a conclusion. Then there is your subconscious mind, and this is the part that is basically running the show when it comes to making significant changes in your life. Unless your powerful subconscious is in agreement, it will likely sabotage all your efforts, simply because it wants to maintain the status quo. It is a force to be reckoned with, and will not relinquish control unless it is convinced that your lofty idealistic changes are for your highest and best interest.

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When You Risk Nothing, You Risk Even More

When You Risk Nothing, You Risk Even More

When I started my career as a Therapist, I was always on the lookout for a model of therapy that was safe, effective and relatively fast. I wanted to find a way to work with clients that didn’t require endless costly hours of psychotherapy. I knew there was intrinsic value in talking therapies, for self reflection, support and awareness, but in terms of deep healing at a core level, I was unsure. In my own experience I know how enticing it can be to ‘talk story.’ Talking story allows you to stay in a safe, familiar place, without risking vulnerability, exposure and feeling those difficult challenging feelings that, let’s face it, we would all rather avoid.

We can go to great lengths to avoid feeling, from overeating, taking drugs, alcohol, drama, dysfunctional relationships and fast living. Our bodies can be in a constant state of fight or flight, causing untold stress, challenges to our self-esteem and wellbeing and in some cases, physical illness. Somewhere down the line, something has to give. You have to drive yourself pretty hard to keep one step ahead of any deep seated issue that has remained hidden up till now. However, these deep issues are never quiet; they are like old tapes constantly running their programmes in the background of your life.  Erica Jong said “When you risk nothing, you risk even more.” I believe her. I believe there is profound value in taking the risk to delve into your feelings, into a new way of being and addressing difficult issues at a subconscious level. This is where those deep issues ‘hang out.’ The subconscious runs your life by default, and your level of self esteem, as you remain unaware on a conscious level. Your conscious mind is the part of you that likes to avoid, that can reason and justify allowing you to live in a state of denial. Therefore, your conscious mind cannot solely be relied upon to make significant and profound changes that will give you the relief and results that you deserve.

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Eyes Bigger Than Your Belly

Eyes Bigger Than Your Belly

I think we’ve all heard of the term, ‘eyes bigger than your belly’. We observe the mountain of food on our plates and wonder where we are going to put it. Our ‘eyes’ are merely reflecting our head hunger, and have nothing to do with the amount of food we actually need, and what our stomachs have the comfortable capacity to hold.

I know I’ve sat in many restaurants ravenous, waiting for the food to arrive and then practically inhaling it as if at any moment the waiter might come and snatch it away! I would then ignore that evident extremely full-feeling and order dessert, knowing there was not an inch of space left in my already expanded stomach. Followed by guilt, remorse and the determination to never do that again. I’m sure we’ve all been there!

Sometimes it takes feeling that fat and uncomfortable to decide that this is not how you want your relationship with food to be. You don’t want to feel out of control, a slave to your instant desires, wolfing food down as if it’s going out of fashion. You don’t want your ‘eyes’ to have the final say. Feeling in control is infiinitely more satisfying, so that instead of your ‘head hunger’ determining what you put in your body, your stomach does. The wonderful thing about the Hypnotic Virtual Gastric Band is that it convinces your subconscious mind that your stomach has shrunk to the size of a golf ball, and when that happens, your body will be deciding how much food to allow in, allowing your body to regulate itself to health and vitality.

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Get Slim The Easy Way

Get Slim The Easy Way

“There is no diet that can do what healthy eating does”.

This is a very true statement, and one that has been my mantra for my weight loss clients as far back as I can remember. I have seen many clients here at Zoë Clews & Associates, who initially arrive disillusioned after years of one disappointing diet after another.  What I call the ‘The Great Diet Delusion’ is sold in such a way that many people spend decades caught in the loop, believing that the latest new fad is the answer to their weight loss prayers, only to return to their previous habits after realising that it’s simply not sustainable.

The problem with dieting is that your subconscious often has another agenda: to the subconscious dieting communicates deprivation and starvation. So, when you’ve steadfastly worked so hard to lose those pounds by counting calories, and drinking diet ‘shakes’, as soon as you stop, the weight piles back on again. You have created the fat for a reason, and your subconscious, the true powerhouse when it comes to change, needs to know that it is safe and approrpriate to let the weight go.  Trying to control the outcome with your conscious mind, will create stress and anxiety and prevent you from acheiving the results you desire and deserve.

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Additional Credits

Video by Weeks360.

Photography by Liz Bishop Photography.

Production by Mark Norman at Little Joe Media and Joanne Brooks.

Hair by Jonny Albutt.

Make up by Olly Fisk and Nabeel Hussain.